We were driving upon one of North Carolina's more scenic speed traps, on the road to the Outer Banks. We had just crossed in from Virginia and were driving along the well policed Route 158 that feeds into Currituck County. Route 158 is the only major road that takes summer visitors to the famous beaches near Kitty Hawk and it is notorious for its random checkpoints . A drummer friend of ours, who is a rather soulful resident of Grandy NC, commented wryly to us that the slogan for this holiday spot should be; “North Carolina, come here on vacation….leave here on probation”.

No truer words have ever been spoken, as later on our journey, our driver would get ticketed for driving 35 mph in a 25 mph zone. That fine would be $30 for the violation plus an additional administrative fee of $120! Ah well, such is the state of institutionalized corruption in our country.

Further down the road, we passed a rather nondescript building and gravel parking lot ensemble which, at first glance, looked like it could have been an outlet for small off road recreational vehicles and quad bikes.

As off-road recreation is a family affair for many people, ourselves included, we slowed, in the hopes of spotting a Bayou 250, or better yet, a Kawasaki Brute Force 4x4, which would have rounded off our legendary quad collection in the Brink garages.

Unfortunately, as we approached, it was clear that our eyes were mistaken once again and that this was, in fact, a small business called the Blackwater Pro Shop. Who knew that America’s favorite “shadow army” had a gift shop.

Blackwater Worldwide provides training to law enforcement, military, and government agencies at its 7,000 acre training facility in Moyock, North Carolina. You never actually see many indications of their presence down there, but you definitely do feel it. Its a slightly oppressive feeling that has nothing to do with the humidity. It floats overhead like a giant, invisible and well polished jackboot, ever-ready to materialize at a moments notice.

Once inside the Pro Shop the attendants immediately sensed that our casual assemblage was free, liberal, young, happy and basically stood for everything they are against. They became suspicious that somewhere in our bodies a bit of hippie DNA had seeped in. All overhead security camera domes quietly whirred, re-pointed themselves and no doubt tracked us as we lingered in the Frisbee section.

One Brink agent pretended to talk on her cell phone and managed to sneak the accompanying picture of their fine wares. They are gifts and souvenirs designed to appeal to that hamburger eating, beer swilling thug in each of us. There were the oversize belt buckles, plastic coffee mugs, zippo lighters and cheap tumblers all emblazoned with the Blackwater bear paw logo. Special items of note were the bear paw x-mas ornaments and the “defending our freedom” beach towel. If you are thinking back to school, consider the Joint Forces Backpack.

Perhaps it is time for the whole country to go back and get the education it so sorely needs. God bless us, our broken American dreams, our secret armies, their notoriously over priced gift-shops and their gut instinct for the cheapest of cheap merchandising.