I was born a conservative, right-wing Christian who was raised in a middle-class American family. My siblings and I were taught to unconditionally defer to authority: God first, our parents and elders second, then, finally, anyone with power over us. Corporal punishment was not spared, and we were not spoiled. My sisters didn't wear pants, dresses above the knees, blouses cut low, or too much makeup. We boys tucked our shirts in, kept our hair above our eyebrows, collars, ears, and never disrespected anyone who didn't deserve it. We all grew up abiding by God's laws, following the path he prescribes. We went to, and did well in school, married people of similar status, and entered prosperous careers. We all fear God, hell, and faithlessness, but know that none of us are at risk of hellfire.

Our family doesn't worry about the environment because Revelations tells us where it is headed. We are opposed to abortion because even the damaged brain of a deformed fetus in a crack addicted womb is a life, and that life belongs to God and the child. not the mother, the doctor, or the research facility the child's remains might go to. No one in my family does drugs, drinks too much, or engages in sexual activities outside of marriage. We know that homosexuality is a sin that might be forgiven, but should never be condoned.

Animals do not have souls, but people do. Animals were put on earth to serve us. We have dominion over them. If a plant, animal, or anything that isn't human is driven to extinction, it is of no consequence unless it causes economic consequences for us. Still, we'll find a way to deal with that, or God will. Everything is in God's hands. He will provide for the faithful and smite the faithless. If one of his children falls, they can stand again if, and only if, they repent. God will give them a moment if they have a fatal heart attack while engaged in incestuous sexual behaviors with a sibling. "Yeah, I was boffin' my sister, but thanks for giving me a moment to get back on track to heaven."

Our church has done well financially. Right now were invested in taking advantage of this global warming thing we had to accept as reality. It presents real prospects since glaciers in Glacier National Park are melting. As things warm we can work toward getting private interests in there to make it a theme park. If you've ever been there, you'll want to return as the companies we've invested in forge tunnels into the mountains to accomodate rails that will run rollercoasters through those mountains. If we can't get the Blackfoot folk onboard, we'll just relocate them to Hanford.

There are a lot of folk whining about the wildlife refuge in Alaska. We're talking oil baby. If there's no economic potential there, why would the oil companies want to get in there? I'll tell you why: Those ratty-ass, soulless carrbou are gold. I have stock in Caribou Preservation Adventures and it's going to split time and again after we privatize and fence off the game park to paying hunters. Those damn hippy folk who wrote that song "Money" can kiss my rich ass while my church, family, and friends enjoy profits those sentimental freaks don't know how to enjoy. Yeah, sure, I'll probably dump the uptight bitch after we're rich. The kids will probably get strung out on drugs trying to escape their consciences; hell maybe one will start building some looney architectural nightmare to appease the ghosts of dead caribou and natives. At the end of the day we'll all ask for forgiveness and everything will be cool while those drug addicted fags who wrote "Money" become toast in hell. As an added bonus to our investments, we'll all be able to drive around for another few months with the oil we'll make profits on too.

Yeah, sure, I own a bar. So what? Heteronly is just the beginning. We've plans to build Hetero Haven retirement community and a host of religiously correct (RC) enterprises that will make the world a better place until we (and the Creator) destroy it. In the hierarchy of shepherds, God's the boss, the pastor is a managerial sheep, and we faithful are supervisorial sheep. We may be taking over warming Montana, but don't any of you inbred cowboy types try fuckin' us unless you repent soon after.

I suppose that damned evanid will have something to say. All I can say is: Bring it on! We brought you the inquisition, genocides, wars, and many things you'd like to attribute to evil. You'll see that "God's on our side."

(You know, I seldom edit anything, as if it were worth the time. But I read this because I hoped there might be humor, and good nature in it. The intention is not to hurt anyone, only make us think, like I try to. Religion is a good thing. It tormented me, and sometimes still does. If there's a heaven, an old woman rests there, and hopefully guides these tired hands. She made it simple: "God is love." The hardest thing for me to accept in this life is people creating pain in the name of God, Buddha, Allah, or any name you choose for her. Like those who hurt no one (the innocent), people who suffer because they were born, I'm crying as I write this, just as I cried while I prayed to God as a child. There's no humour in the preceding paragraphs. Changing the lyrics of one of my favorite songs: I'm no Jesus. I'm just another fucked (why not, it's just a word if it's not used in a negative way) up, confused, maybe ignorant soul. Blast me. That's why we're here to rip each other, and this planet, apart. If I were Jesus I'd say: Hey Dad, you're love, can't you help all of them love everything you created?

Now I can start a new religion. Many will follow me and I can lead them to the Koolaid. No! No one has all the answers. I have no ulterior motive other than I'd like to see my child know a better world. Those computerwise folk think they might find me if they want to, but even the remarkable powers of the mightiest governmet on earth couldn't, because I'm nobody, living nowhere, like a ghost in the wind. God is love.)