Twice in the past four days I have cut the throats of does on the San Pablo Dam Road in El Sobrante, CA. In the first instance, a beautiful doe jumped in front of my car and I hit her. She lay on the asphalt bleeding. It was late at night and I knew she would die. I pulled her off the road, held her down, cried and cut her throat; holding her until she died.

Tonight I watched a car in front of mine hit another doe. The driver never stopped. She stumbled for a moment, blood dripping from her nostrils, and fell to the pavement. I stopped and got out. I grew up around hunting and the like and knew she was dying.

The first driver who stopped offered to help me drag her into the brush. I tried to tell him she would die and it was heartless to let her suffer by dumping her body. He was only concerned other cars would be damaged and as soon as I asked him to hold her down so I could cut her throat he left, calling me crazy. The second driver who stopped asked what happened, I asked him to hold her down, and he said, "man, that's too much for me".

Life and death are too much?? Jesus Christ. What the fuck is wrong with this world. I sat on her torso and pierced her throat quickly, crying and hoping she would die soon. A man stopped his car and told me I had done the right thing. He held my shoulder and told her to "go ahead, girl, it'll be over in a minute". Then the cops showed up.

I begged them to shoot her and let it be over with. They told me to put away the knife or go to jail. I called them heartless mother fuckers and they told me to get in my car immediately or be taken to jail. By this time she had died. The man standing with me said, "go ahead, buddy, you did the right thing" and I left.

Welcome to the land of McDonalds, manicured lawns, and bullshit politics. The state of unfortunate realities. Deer overpopulation? We have cars and animal control. Life and death? Only in the movies, sir. It is beyond me to understand how a place like this can so fervently support human rights while ignoring the painful realities of mortality: let us all die, but let us die away from the lights and the noise of life. This is the smug self-righteousness that destroys the soul. Here are my boots, jeans, and knife. Live with it.