I have heard enough, as usual, from the far right. I don't really try to listen to them, because it's much like listening to concupiscent cats yowling in the night, waiting for feral release. Two, in particular, won't shut their damned mouths until they've been heard by everyone in the American Neighborhood, so I see it as my civic duty to call undeserved attention to the overstimulated. Forget the mild retardation of Bobby Jindal and the old-school dipshittery of Mike Hucakabee or the old-skool blather of RNC chairman Michael Steele (and I'm only going to mention Sarah Palin, the Republican SBD that simply won't dissipate, this one time because she'd really, really like to be remembered). No, today will be about Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter, the twin terrors of political hubris.

Rush Limbaugh, who is looking more like the Grimace of the GOP than ever before (yeah, I made a fat joke about fatty, and he'd appreciate it if he didn't have so much shit between his ears), still wants the president to fail. Big surprise, that. Ever since he's been broadcasting his obloquial discharge, he's found the fan base to be more likely to cheer him on if he's anything but constructive. He's merely a fortified compound away from a Waco tragedy, but that's a sad given about this Hitleresque personality. The oversized Limbaugh (I just can't keep myself from pointing out his puffy stature, a sure sign of the hot air with which he's self-inflated) has continued to keep himself in the fattest limelight he can, from wacky ideas like the 54/46 proposal (the unspoken White House response: 'sit down and shut up, Rush') to the recent CPAC demagogy where he reiterated his fail remarks with the follow-up one-two punch of saying President Obama's mission is 'to restructure and reform this country so that capitalism and individual liberty are not its foundation.' Rush, you porky cockpunch, there was a man who, not so long ago, decided individual liberties were not as important as the security of this country. You remember him, right? After all, you voted for him and advocated his policies until it because an unfashionable grease stain on your stripeless ties. The Patriot Act has done more to undermine our citizen's liberties than Obama's bailout plan (which is also going to bring about security for this country). But waitthere's more! The capitalism you espouse with your thick cronyistic gravy breath has lead us to an economic crisis thanks in part to the Republican maxim: deregulation. Oh, should I not mention that because jobs are at stake, big fellah? I'll concede that it's not all deregulation that has brought our economy to its knees, but I won't say that capitalism hasn't pooched us due to blind greed with far too little government monitoring. That's not going to be as high on your fathead agenda as shooting down any effort the current administration makes just because they all don't worship elephants. But what of tax cuts? I mean, they've done so well for us during the Bush regime, right? No? Well, why won't you mention that? Because you're Rush Limbaugh, and that's the way you dinner roll. No, it's the GOP pickup line as usual: we're right and the Democrats are wrong and ne'er the twain shall meet because our media kings prohibit such common sense. Rush, it'll be a dark day for the Republicans when you finally succumb to that massive coronary, but I will make a bowl of banana pudding and set it outside for the wolves to mourn your grotesque passing.

So let us turn to Ann Coulter, who is incapable of breeding because, while she is the biggest fucking cunt in the Republican clubhouse, she has no vagina, just two assholes. I'll concentrate on the polemical one for this discourse. At CPAC this week, she had her usual unpleasant comedic stylings on display for the faithful and heartless. One point she brought up was how the media comparisons of Obama to Lincoln and Reagan were interesting because 'apparently they can't think of a Democratic president worthy of being compared to.' First off, you've made it easy to pull out that old grammar joke: 'never end a sentence in a preposition, bitch.' Secondly, the Reagan comparison comes from the fact that, like Reagan, Obama can make a compelling speech, much unlike your previous embarrassment, George 'rubbing two words together and watching them go up in Quayles' Bush. Third, the Lincoln comparison comes from several quarters, one of them being the idea that, like Lincoln, Obama has the potential to be a truly great and honorable president (again, unlike your not-exactly-elected village idiot, Bush). And fourth, a Democratic president you could compare Obama to would be FDR, who also followed a failed Republican president with a completely fucked economy, then battled Republican opposition to bring the country back from the precipice of demoralization and ruin. That wouldn't have fit in with your little joke, so I can see why you left it out of the act. Coulter, in her infinitesimal wisdom, played up the whore cheerleader part with 'If (Obama) thinks people wanted change in 2009, wait until 2012.' I agree. If things continue as they are, people in 2012 are going to want political pundits and analysts who are not bleak forecasters of hate like you and Limbaugh. It might be time to see if you remember how to run the fry machine at McDonald's honey, and let's not pretend that was a sexist remark because you give me all the sexual thrill of jaundice.

It's a frightening world in which the tendentious live, but it endears them to their hardcore audience while giving them a slight compensatory thrill. In ten years' time, it won't be them who are remembered for their pitiless diatribes and foolish confederations. The ones we will remember will be the people who made a difference, even if it was a terrible one. But we will celebrate those who rejected the idea of callous peroration in favor of making this delicate world better somehow, and we will build barbecue restaurants over the graves of those who tried to elevate negativity into a business plan. Limbaugh and Coulter, you have been served.